Our fairy tale begins just like any other. Once upon a time there was a kingdom with a king who had a beautiful daughter—Princess Loretta. They were living pretty happily, until a dragon flew into the kingdom. He settled down just outside the town, in a cave.
The king was sad about it, because, as everyone knows, dragons eat princesses. But on the other hand, he was kind of excited about the idea that a brave hero—a prince—might show up, rescue the princess, and there’d be a wedding. But that’s where the trouble started.
“Dear father,” declared the princess, “I’m tired of being carried off by dragons or getting cursed by wicked spells and just waiting around for some guy to rescue me.” I don’t want to be a princess anymore. I want to rescue my prince all by myself.”
“But Loretta, a dragon just flew in. And it’ll probably want to eat you. What am I supposed to tell him?”
“I don’t care about the dragon,” snapped the princess, grabbed her sword, jumped on her horse, and rode off.
The king set off to face the dragon himself.
“Hey there, dragon, are you home?” called the king at the mouth of the cave.
“Who’s waking me from my afternoon nap? I hope it’s not another prince with an army of soldiers coming to chase me away or chop off my heads?”
“Not at all. I’m the king. And I’ve come to tell you that my mischievous daughter, Princess Loretta, no longer wants to be a princess. She’s left in search of adventure.” We don’t have any other princess for you here. So it looks like you’ll have to go on a diet.”
A gigantic dragon crawled out of the cave, with seven terrifying heads, massive wings, and a long tail. The king was trembling like a leaf, that’s how much the dragon frightened him.
“So you didn’t come to chase me away?” asked the dragon.
The king just shook his head.
“In that case, let’s be friends. Because I don’t want to be a dragon anymore, gobbling up princesses and scaring everyone. I want to be something else, something people would like. Something cute.”
“And what would that be? With your size, that might be a bit of a problem,” the king dared to say.
“I want to be a puppy. Will you throw me a stick?”
While the king was throwing sticks for the dragon and teaching him dog tricks, Princess Loretta trotted off on her horse to look for her enchanted prince. But he was still at home in the neighboring kingdom.
Prince Marcel was in the middle of arguing with his royal father, saying he didn’t want to be a prince. He didn’t even know how to swing a sword or ride a horse very well. And he’d rather be cursed by a wizard, so some brave girl could come and rescue him. With that, he set off to find an evil wizard.
When Prince Marcel reached the enchanted forest and the little cottage where the evil Wizard lived, he banged on the door right away.
“What do you want?” an old man leaned out of the door.
“I want you to put a spell on me. I’d love to be Sleeping Beauty or maybe Fiona, locked in a tower guarded by a dragon.” Just don’t make me Snow White—I’m not built for all that work,” the prince declared.
The wizard rolled his eyes for a moment, trying to figure out whether he was dreaming. Then he answered, “Ketchup or mayo?”
Now the prince was surprised again.
“What kind of silly question is that? How does that have anything to do with evil magic?” Prince Marcel asked, puzzled.
“Well, I don’t do evil magic anymore,” said the Wizard. “It just got boring. Now I’ve got a fast-food stand. Want some fries?”
“No, I don’t! I want you to cast a spell,” the prince insisted.
“You sure are stubborn. Hang on.”
The wizard disappeared into the cottage. A moment later, he came back with a magic book and handed it to the prince.
“Cast the spell yourself. Magic goes in alphabetical order, so pick something. And don’t bother me anymore. I’m learning to make pancakes so they don’t burn.”
The prince was left alone outside the cottage, holding the book in his hands. He shrugged, sat on a stump, and started flipping through the book. In the end, he found a beautiful spell that promised to turn him into a lovely golden carp. A goldfish—that sounds good.
He read the magic spell, and before he knew it, he was flopping on the stump in a fish’s body. He gasped for air, suddenly it wasn’t so easy to breathe anymore. That silly prince forgot that fish live in water. What a bright idea, turning into a fish in the forest. Where’s he going to find water here?
He tried to call for help. But fish aren’t very good at shouting. Not even the magical ones can shout very loudly.
The prince was in trouble, but this time luck was on his side. Princess Loretta was riding by on her horse, and the golden fish sparkled in the sun so much that she noticed it right away.
“Help me, give me water, and happiness will come your way,” promised the fish.
“Where am I supposed to find water around here?” the princess looked in every direction. Then she spotted a little house. For now, she poured water from her travel bottle onto the fish and ran to the cottage.
“Good sir, I really need a pot of water!” she yelled, banging on the door.
The wizard opened the door.
“Of course, I’ll bring one right away.”
“Just set it down here, I’ll go get the fish.”
The Wizard nodded. When the princess came back with the fish, the pot was already outside. She tossed the fish in, but oh dear!
“Ow! The water is supposed to be cold, not hot!” cried the fish. And you know, fish aren’t really very good at shouting.
“Sorry, that was the wizard,” explained the princess, quickly took the fish out, and knocked on the door again.
“So, how did the fish soup turn out?” the wizard leaned out and smiled kindly.
“I didn’t mean boiling water. I want to save this golden fish who was flopping around in the forest without any water.”
“Oh, I’m sorry about that, beautiful.”
The wizard gave princess Loretta a pot of cold water. She put the fish in it and rode back to her kingdom. There, she let the little fish go into the garden pond. But the fish peeked out and said, “I’m an enchanted prince.” If you set me free, you’ll live happily ever after.”
“Are you sure you’re not making that up?”
“Give me a kiss and you’ll see.”
The princess wrinkled her nose, but she pulled herself together. She puckered up and kissed the wet, cold, slimy fish.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, instead of a fish, a handsome prince is standing in front of her.
“Well, you weren’t making it up,” laughed the princess. “We have to go tell my father, the king. Where is he, anyway?”
Princess Loretta went to the castle with the prince, but what did she see! Next to the throne, where the king is sitting, someone has put a huge doghouse, and inside, a dragon was lounging!
“A dragon! I’ll have to rescue you, princess,” exclaimed the prince. “But I didn’t bring my sword. Is that a problem?”
“That’s all right,” the king greeted them happily. “This is my little Alfie.”
The dragon greeted them with joy, wagging his enormous tail so hard that he knocked several pictures off the walls.
“He’s a bit of a clumsy fellow, but you’ll get used to him.”
“Father, this is my prince. I rescued him myself.”
“I’m prince Marcel. Your daughter saved me. After she nearly made fish soup out of me.”
The king was overjoyed. Even though, in the end, everyone had different ideas of what they were, the fairy tale ended just as a fairy tale should—with a wedding and lots of merriment. It probably won’t surprise you that the wedding feast was prepared by the evil wizard from the forest. And all the wedding guests got to choose whether they wanted ketchup or mayo.